bed of roses

It's really weird to have a family history of anxiety and depression and be dating a med student who's going through pysch rotations. It's very boxy. Not sure how I feel about that.

Tons has happened over the past few months.

1. My sister moved to Australia for the year. I was really sad when she left because I felt like I'd never see her again. Rational, I know. But I was really excited for her because I hoped that she would use it as a time to grow up and figure out who she is and what makes her happy. I havent physically spoken to her since she left but my mom skypes with her every week so I feel like I talk to her. I have been keeping up with her blogs and from what she's writing- it sounds like she's really happy and really growing up...which makes me happy! She's made the official decision that she's not coming home for Christmas which makes sense financially, etc., but I think it's going to be pretty hard for me to wrap my head around. I'm 24, she's 22 and we've spent 22 Christmases together. This will be the first time ever that I don't have her here to share all of our sisterly traditions together. I miss my sister. I'm glad she's having fun but I really want to see her again. Looks like that might not be happening until next summer. Bummer.

2. One of my best friends joined one of the bands we manage so that's been cool/scary/fun, etc. I'm in a really weird place with work right now. I feel like there are so many things I want to do, but I'm limited for a handful of reasons. I don't know if I'm doing what I want to do or not...and even having that doubt bums me out. BUT at least I really love my job and I have a job- in that respect i'm very lucky. It's just hard to roll with other people's decisions when I don't necessarily agree. Which would be fine, except that we handle people's dreams. Not their finances or their cars...their dreams. That's a pretty big thing for someone to share with you, and sometimes it's really hard.

I'm also struggling with what reality is in my business. I keep hearing that my industry doesn't do certain things or plays by certain rules. Fuck the rules. There is no rulebook anymore. Let's get it done. Let's put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. The fear of other people's level of determination makes me nervous. Such as happened before, if you're not giving your all for this- why give me your dream to help you? In the end, I'll look like I failed you. I'll feel like I failed you. And when you're not coming 200%, it's not a fair thing for me to have to carry with me. I think my strength is also my greatest weakness. I'm too emotionally invested.

3. VAL HAD A BABY! Like, a living, breathing, little baby girl. Kesley Evans Hicks (no I didn't spell it wrong. It's said like KESSSSSSLEY). She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. When Val's husband texted me the picture of her, I couldn't help but tear up. It was such an emotional experience. Partly because no one knew if she was a boy or a girl, and party because val is my first best friend to have a baby. I knew her when she met her hubby so watching this all unfold is pretty amazing. I went to meet her for the first time last weekend when she was 4 days old.

I held her as long as I possibly could and she pretty much slept the whole time. I'm going again this weekend and then again the day after thanksgiving. I think by thanksgiving she'll probably have her eyes open more and be more fixated on us. Should be really cool to see.

Robert is out of town with his frisbee team playing in the national championships in Sarasota. They have a twitter that they update so I'll be keeping track of the games from those posts.

xo for now

Don't worry 'bout tomorrow

I always say I'll do more here but I never do. Robert and I just got back from my sister's graduation in North Carolina. I can't believe my baby sister graduated from college...and I've been out for 2 years...weird. Time seriously flies.

Robert only has a month of his first year left, which is absolutely INSANE, then we're off to Italy with my family for 10 days. I can't wait. I really need a vacation and some R&R. We've been going non-stop for the past month with weddings, graduations and work and I'm ready to hop on a plane and leave for a while.

Robert finished anatomy last week so there was a post-BLAM at Q-zar to de-stress...interesting choice but I can't blame them. I'd probably want to run around and act like a kid too after 7 months of dissections.

Other than that there's not much to tell. I'm still working a ton and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life but I'm just letting it happen and taking it one day at a time (which I'm terrible at...I'm a big planner). Robert and I are going to sit down soon to start making a list of our contacts and who we need to reach out to for him to shadow, so he can start networking and seeking out potential residency programs now, so we know what we're aiming for.

Oh AND...we just confirmed a trip to Costa Rica after Robert takes the first part of the boards in late January. We're going with a ton of family from his mom's side of the family and my parents and we're staying in a beautiful 16 bedroom villa. LOVING IT. I'm so excited!!!! I can't wait!!

Alright, I'm super un-motviated and I need to get back to work. Sleepy monday!
Cals

Meanwhile, back on the ranch

Wow. I completely forgot we had this.

Life has been completely insane. I've really grown into my position at work and am pretty consistently working 12-13 hour days. I'm completely exhausted but hopefully it will all pay off at some point. I've had friends say they're worried about how much I work. I'm on the go 24/7

Robert is loving school, and he's doing really well. Despite my attempts to reach out to his classmates- still don't really have friends in Robert's class. The people we spend the most time with are the guys that live in our complex. They're in Robert's study group so he spends a lot of time with them. No couples. No girls really. I've made attempts but it's pretty clear that we have very little in common other than Robert. Nice girls though- strange at times, but very nice.

I'm so glad his class is so down to earth- I was so worried it would be full of arrogant jerks and so far we've both seen very little of that. A bunch of his classmates wound up coming to my birthday bash so that was pretty awesome. It was cool to have them in my element hanging with my friends a little. Most of the time I'm doing med school stuff.

Robert was thinking of buying a house and were hindered by the fact that we really have NO CLUE where he'll be a resident. That is not even close to reality for me at this point. I really have no clue what I'd do if he were forced into residency anywhere outside of Atlanta or Nashville. It's so hard for me to think of us being anywhere else but I guess at some point I should prepare myself for the possibility. It 100% freaks me out to think about that. I know he knows I want to be here (because both of our families are here) but I also know, at the end of the day, he is matched. SO, with that said, since he's only an M1, he has some time to make great connections here. We are fortunate enough to have grown up here and have a lot of friends who have parents in medicine. Hopefully he can make some connections.

We have our first formal tomorrow (aka med school prom)- appropriately named "Cadaver Ball". Should be fun. I got a gift certificate in an event gift bag a few months ago for a makeup application, so I'm forcing myself to leave work early to indulge myself.

I should really find my friends on here...this thing is pretty useless so far.
xo
Cals

The First Month

Well, it's been a little over a month and I can't say a whole lot has changed- except our utilities have gone WAY down since both of us are gone during the day ( a huge plus!)

We spent pretty much every weekend the first month doing M1 stuff, which has been interesting. I think he has a pretty good group of people in his class. I definitely don't get the drama vibe from his class- nerdy? yes. Drama? not so much. Maybe it's still too early for that. The girls I've met so far are really sweet. We haven't found any dating couples in our position. Either people are married and never show up for events or single and out all the time. Since we don't fit into either, we generally pregame with the med school, then head home or hang out with our friends from high school.

I had my first feeling of weirdness- I was reading Robert's syllabus for his physical exam lab (chest up-nothing invasive) and they are paired with partners for the semester. The dress code is gym shorts for guys and either a bikini or gym shorts and a sports bra for girls. SERIOUSLY? Make me gag. Robert might have to do physicals on his girl CLASSMATES in bikinis? That's not awkward at all. I get exams on random people, but classmates? weird. I lucked out and he got paired with a guy.

Overall things are good, the apartment is starting to come together. I really want a new couch set...and we're talking about a new tv. We'll see if it happens or not. My guess is not but maybe I'll have it within a year or so.

We're going to our first doctor dinner next weekend. Some Emory doctor invited over to his house for a dinner with some of his colleagues. Should be fun- I'm looking forward to it.

xoxo

oh, quality time

I feel like I'm going to have a love/hate relationship with my love language: quality time. Starting to get a hint of that this week.

We need 2 things:

1. A routine- this won't happen for a few weeks until a regular class cycle starts

2. To learn how to effectively be each others "support system"

The deans gave the M1's a lecture on the importance of support systems through the medical journey-really, the whole thing is pretty ridiculous until you're way past your prime. Anyways, they told him that you need to take a look around, take time to think about who the most important people are in your life and stick with those people through everything. Robert after telling me this says "you're my system". Cute. I love it. I think that goes both ways- I'll need him to support me emotionally through all this-especially when his schedule goes nuts. Next step: figuring out how to do that. I see texts, emails, post-its and mirror messages in my future. Flowers are always welcome :)- just kidding B...kinda.

We have our first M1 event tomorrow night- cookout at our complex. Friday night-pub crawl. Nothing says "lets be friends" like drinking one too many martinis and singing neil diamond.

I MISS MY FRIENDS.

Dear maddy, move home.

Val- camp out at lakewood every weekend for the rest of the month so I can see you.

PERFECT!

Day 1

Today was tight. Met some cool peeps. Gonna be a long haul, but well worth it. Lunch was not that tight, but free food is better than no food (got stuck with a veggie sub). Desk looks good-thanks Caroline, but took way too long (note to self: read directions before building). Overall, we're excited.

I haven't really blogged since high school, BUT I've been inspired by reading law/med school blogs (in prep for my life) to start one for Robert and I since we're about to start on this ridiculously crazy journey of ours.

Yes, I realize we aren't married or engaged.

Robert started med school today. I seriously can't believe it's already here. I feel like we've been talking about this forever and now it starts. I am SO excited for Robert. While I think this is going to make our lives somewhat complicated, I'm excited he gets to do something he's so passionate about!

Worries as of this point for both of us:

1. The "stress"- Everyone keeps telling us we're in for a long ride. I'm sure we are BUT I'm so glad that we have the love and support of both of our families and that everyone is here in Atlanta. I think that will make things so much more enjoyable.

2. Money- Living off of one salary for the first 4 years- then barely minimum wage for 7+ years...YIKES! (thanks for keeping us well fed mom and dad)

3. Friends- I love the few friends I have here- most of them are from high school since we grew up here. I would love to meet some other couples who are going through the same stuff we are. Really, unless they have a significant other/spouse that's in grad school and in debt, they just won't understand. I need some broke, med-school girlfriends to hang out with. Or Val (her husband is starting law school next month) but she's in Birmingham.

Worries aside, I am so excited to see what the future holds. Can't wait to hear about what Robert's first day was like tonight!