Tons has happened over the past few months.
1. My sister moved to Australia for the year. I was really sad when she left because I felt like I'd never see her again. Rational, I know. But I was really excited for her because I hoped that she would use it as a time to grow up and figure out who she is and what makes her happy. I havent physically spoken to her since she left but my mom skypes with her every week so I feel like I talk to her. I have been keeping up with her blogs and from what she's writing- it sounds like she's really happy and really growing up...which makes me happy! She's made the official decision that she's not coming home for Christmas which makes sense financially, etc., but I think it's going to be pretty hard for me to wrap my head around. I'm 24, she's 22 and we've spent 22 Christmases together. This will be the first time ever that I don't have her here to share all of our sisterly traditions together. I miss my sister. I'm glad she's having fun but I really want to see her again. Looks like that might not be happening until next summer. Bummer.
2. One of my best friends joined one of the bands we manage so that's been cool/scary/fun, etc. I'm in a really weird place with work right now. I feel like there are so many things I want to do, but I'm limited for a handful of reasons. I don't know if I'm doing what I want to do or not...and even having that doubt bums me out. BUT at least I really love my job and I have a job- in that respect i'm very lucky. It's just hard to roll with other people's decisions when I don't necessarily agree. Which would be fine, except that we handle people's dreams. Not their finances or their cars...their dreams. That's a pretty big thing for someone to share with you, and sometimes it's really hard.
I'm also struggling with what reality is in my business. I keep hearing that my industry doesn't do certain things or plays by certain rules. Fuck the rules. There is no rulebook anymore. Let's get it done. Let's put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. The fear of other people's level of determination makes me nervous. Such as happened before, if you're not giving your all for this- why give me your dream to help you? In the end, I'll look like I failed you. I'll feel like I failed you. And when you're not coming 200%, it's not a fair thing for me to have to carry with me. I think my strength is also my greatest weakness. I'm too emotionally invested.
3. VAL HAD A BABY! Like, a living, breathing, little baby girl. Kesley Evans Hicks (no I didn't spell it wrong. It's said like KESSSSSSLEY). She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. When Val's husband texted me the picture of her, I couldn't help but tear up. It was such an emotional experience. Partly because no one knew if she was a boy or a girl, and party because val is my first best friend to have a baby. I knew her when she met her hubby so watching this all unfold is pretty amazing. I went to meet her for the first time last weekend when she was 4 days old.
I held her as long as I possibly could and she pretty much slept the whole time. I'm going again this weekend and then again the day after thanksgiving. I think by thanksgiving she'll probably have her eyes open more and be more fixated on us. Should be really cool to see.
Robert is out of town with his frisbee team playing in the national championships in Sarasota. They have a twitter that they update so I'll be keeping track of the games from those posts.
xo for now
